mE

my emotional junkyard

Saturday, October 21, 2006

who?

what do you do when you are in pain?
i, i want someone to rub my back... to tell me everything will be fine tomorrow...

what do you do when you need a companion?
i, i will think of the person who will comfort me...

what do you do when you are not in a mood for anything?
i, i will just lie on the bed, hoping that there'll be this special person beside me when i open my eyes later...

what do you do when you just want to have a friend to talk to?
i, i will just write it down, hoping that she will read it someday...

what do you do when you are unsure about who you are?
i, i will want someone to tell me i am who i am, and she appreciates me as much as herself...

who do you go to when you have all these questions?
i, i bottle it up and hope that one day, she'll open the bottle and provide me the answers...

a tiny bit of emo plus a tiny bit of hope...and a tiny bit of doubt...

Friday, October 20, 2006

perception of work

i came to realize that i'm that type of worker who works, until the job for the day is completed. maybe this is just for the industrial training and i'm taking things lightly so i don't care much about the pay and overtime stuff. but the fact is, i want to complete the things before i go home.

to see the other colleagues, especially the permanent employees (the R&D engineers) work until way past office hour, i feel uneasy to leave without completing my job. hence my cubicle mates says that i'm hardworking and working overtime. the truth is, i just wanna finish my task.

and i can't understand how people do not give all they have in work. like in the teaching profession, some teachers who taught me before would just go into class and ask us to buat kerja sendiri. even worst, some would just buy MCs and don't go to school at all! i feel guilty whenever i'm free. it's like taking their pay without contributing anything. a parasite perhaps? but then again, maybe it's just for this indurstrial training period. maybe everyone is busy with their tasks and it's just not nice to slack off.

i hope i'll still be in one piece after this training. i can already feel the tension building. there had been just a new release, and there'll sure be alot of work to be done...

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

my life, as for now

my industrial training (or most of them call it internship) has started and it's already the 3rd day. the environment opened my eyes, and showed me stuff i'd never realize. one thing that i take to heart is the friendliness of people when we are working together. it would normally take me a few weeks to start talking to strangers. but here, it took just a few minutes for my cubicle mate, rachel to make me open my mouth and start talking. the fact that we were classmates before did not help hasten the process, coz we hardly meet each other, we never smiled to each other, and i couldn't be much bothered bout everything else. anyway, opening up was quite easy (coming from an introvert of course) and things were going on well. seems like we have been friends since the first year of our course. i guess it's due to the fact that we are both on the same boat, as we, chinese like to put it.

the colleagues here are quite friendly, though i havent get to know all of them. my supervisor, chew, is a short guy, but when you see him, you'll know straight away that he's the leader of the department. he's not strict, nor is he fierce. he just has this leadership aura. as for vishnu, my first impression of him was he's the brains of the group. always hunching over his pc with programming windows always up. there are a few helpful fellas. lau, kok, lim.

and oh, i've realized that people would prefer to remember a short, very short name. examples are mentioned above; i.e chew, lau, kok, lim. hahah that's the first time i come across chinese people calling other by their surname, without the mister in front. and when it was my turn to introduce myself, one of them went "what? kenwhat?" and i have to really put all my oral skills to use and pronounce my name as clear as possible. and he goes, "do you have a shorter name so that i can remember?" rofl! i don't have a shorter name.. call it ego but i take pride on my long and hard to pronounce name. i should find a short name if really required. but for the time being, khengjin would be fine.

time really fly fast after the final exams. 2 days of weekend was wasted shopping. buying clothes for the training, and buying groceries to stock up in case i am too tired to go out this weekend. i doubt i'd wanna go out this weekend anyway. maybe on the raya holidays. perhaps then. but not this weekend.

an extra intern came in today, and she's a she. haha my classmate too. still not too familiar with her. anyway things are going fine as for now :) hope things will remain the same for the next few months.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

the hair cut

it cost me 30 ringgit for a hair cut. including the bus tickets to the barber. it took three days for the hair cut. no, it wasn't just a hair cut. it was my chance to take a break. it was a chance for me to relax. it was a chance for me to meet up with my friends.

it was more than a haircut. it was an excuse for me to go back home :) being home was really nice when i needed a break. furthermore, my mom was busy making mooncakes to sell, needless to say i have loads of mooncakes. i wanted to help and i did help a lil bit. but i feel that i didn't help enough. i think it is really taxing for my mom.. but what to do.. i was home just a few days before the celebration.

anyway, it was a nice trip home, and an awkward trip back to kl :p but it was fun. so.. i'm looking forward to my next break, which is, erm... four months away? man...

my mom does not actually sell mooncakes. she makes according to orders :) that's how she puts it :p